Category Archives: Music

Today’s Theme Music – Starships

“What’s my guilty pleasure? The thing is, I never feel guilty about pleasures.” ― Tom Hiddleston

I don’t know about you, but I’m not quite as highly evolved as Mr. Hiddleston when it comes to guilty pleasure. There is more than a few things I’m not completely ready to admit to. This is especially true of music. Being a DJ sometimes you come across, intentionally or not, as a bit of a music snob. There are just things you are not willing to play on-air. For instance, I’m not ever going to play Justin Bieber. Not like I can anyway, it’s against‘s station policy.

However, there are bands and singers that people just seem to universally hate; Britney, Kayne, Lady Gaga, One Direction, etc. And yet they are selling millions of albums and thousands of concert tickets, so obviously someone is listening.

So today theme music is one of my guilty pleasures. Nicki Minaj frankly scares me. I mean Lady Gaga can be out there quite a bit but she’s always impressed me as an art student trying to be avant garde. Minaj is different, I actually think she may be from another planet.

Read the rest on my new blog here.

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Posted by on April 15, 2014 in Music


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Today’s Theme Music – Swings and Roundabouts

There has been less than a handful of people that actually have heard of the band The Bolshoi when I’ve mentioned them. That’s really unfortunate, because they have some pretty great music. I remember when I first heard the album Lindy’s Party, I was a freshman in college and my newest best friend had made a cassette for me (sorry we were broke students). I fell immediately in love with the song TV Man, then the title track Lindy’s Party, but the one that would really make me smile was Swings and Roundabouts.

To find out what I think about this song go read my new blog here

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Posted by on April 8, 2014 in Music


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Today’s Theme Music – Howl



This song won’t leave my head so I guess it wants me to write about it.  Until the movie 21 & Over (movie #300), I had never heard Howl by The Gaslight Anthem.  But since I hunted down the single, I’ve been hooked on it.  It certainly doesn’t hurt that shares the name with one of my favorite poems.


“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix…” — Allen Ginsberg

I’ve seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by stress and apathy; bloated, complacent. Unmoving in front of the flickering screen looking for a means of escape.  I see brilliant minds flipping burgers, working two and three jobs, under the thumb of mercurial bosses with zero hope of upward mobility.

Do you still hear the sound of the thunder while you lie up by yourself?

I see them buried under the twin loads of student loans and credit card debt.  The only escape from which is the grave.  I see brilliant, compassionate, amazing people, barren and alone.  Chipping away the pieces of their beautiful souls in the ever fading hope of being noticed, of being loved.

Do you believe there’s still some magic left, somewhere inside our souls?

Do three impossible things before breakfast, no matter how small.  Magic is not an illusion; it’s the seed from which joy springs.  Water it with your dreams, your hopes, and the infinite possibilities.  That piercing light that warms the soil and lights the way is the same that casts deep shadows of doubt everywhere.  One cannot exist without the other.

Bless your waters

Bless your doubts

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Posted by on December 10, 2013 in introspective, Music


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Today’s Theme Music – This Too Shall Pass

Image by Borissos/

Image by Borissos/

You know you can’t keep lettin’ it get you down

I have been unemployed for fifteen months.  Being unemployed can be hell on your self-esteem between the constant rejections and the assumptions of people as to why you can’t get employed. We are raised in a society were often our self-worth is tied to our net worth.  That what you do for a living is more valued than who you are as a person. It was amazing sometimes how people seemed to respect me more when I could say I was a Graphic Designer and I worked for an international magazine.  The job wasn’t glamorous by any stretch of the imagination, at best it was just a job, at worst it was soul sucking.

I have spent most of my unemployed time feeling desperate.  Even though there was a biweekly unemployment check coming in I still treated myself like I was a leech.  That I didn’t deserve anything because I was jobless, that without a title, I was nothing.  HB and Kitty didn’t treat me this way, I take responsibility, it was all my fault.

But you know what?  I HATE nine-to-five jobs.  Even jobs I love, I hate the same thing every dayness of it.  I burn out every time, usually not making it to the three year point.  I need variety, I need to let things go and come back to them, or not.  So why am I stressing about not working 40+ hours a week at a desk?

When the money goes 

Everyone mishears lyrics and once again I’m guilty.  All the time I’ve heard this line as when the money goes and actually it’s when the morning comes. I think I needed to hear it this way.  I stress way too much about money.  Especially when I really am not a money centric person.  But sometimes I feel it’s the only thing I can really give to people that they value.

There was a time, over five years ago, when this household of three was of four.  That person chose to move on and of course took their money with them.  I’m in charge of household finances and PANICKED.  I estimated that we had maybe three or four months before the bills will not be able to be paid.  It never happened.  It never happened.

And now we are probably going from three to two. I have come to the conclusion that I probably will never again have a regular 9 to 5 job.  I’m in my 40’s, I have a spotty work history, I don’t have a bachelor’s degree in a field that increasingly wants one and you know, I don’t really want to go back for one.  That being said I don’t sit around the house all day with my thumb up my butt either.  I freelance, I sell excess clutter on ebay, I enter codes to get free products, I cook so we don’t have to eat out, I manage the money.  I CONTRIBUTE.  So far, so good. There has been some juggling but we aren’t delinquent.  And now, I’m not worried.

Let it go

I realized I spent the first year of my unemployment beating my head against the wall, trying to make things happen that deep down I didn’t want to happen.  Now, I’m letting that go.  Deep down I’m happiest as a hustler, or to put it prettier, I’m a renaissance soul, I feel better with multiple streams of income.  And I know I would never ever let this household become delinquent. I know the universe provides if you let go, and keep your eyes open to the opportunities that may arise, subtly out on the edges of your vision. And if say I had to work at as a cashier at Walmart for a bit of time, I’d be okay.  I’m not required to stay there forever, I don’t have to be stagnant.

The thing is everything changes, constantly.  Nothing stays the same, it passes from one form to another.  The good, the bad, it’s all mutable. I need lots of change, stagnation makes me burn my motors out trying to move, trying to transform. I realize everyone is not like that and it’s okay, really. Small changers keeps structures stable. They hold back everything from spinning into absolute chaos.  But they still change.  Change is inevitable, this moment, this second, this joy, this pain, this…

This too shall pass

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Posted by on November 18, 2013 in introspective, Music


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Today’s Theme Music – King of Birds



King of Birds popped up in my Pandora today.  I haven’t heard it in a while but it reminded me of my first band obsession, R.E.M.  Thanks to MTV in the 80’s, I discovered many artists; Cindy Lauper, Culture Club, Men at Work, and R.E.M.  I owned at least an album or cassette of each.  The first R.E.M. video I saw was for It’s the End of the World as We Know It, after that was Stand.  I bought the cassette and became obsessed.  I knew every song, the order, and the words, well as much of the words as one can with Michael Stipe.

Then I had to go buy the previous albums and memorize them too.  Even today I can hear pretty much any song from Murmur (mostly) through Green and tell you which song goes next.  After that it starts to get hazy.

Singer sing me a given, singer sing me a song

One of the first songs I performed in front of mostly strangers was Swan Swan H off of Life’s Rich Pageant.  I had sung in church choir when I was a child and did a song for a camp talent show but this was my freshman year at college.  I had managed to make a handful of friends but they hadn’t known me more than a couple of months.  This was also alumni weekend so 99.9% of the crowd I hadn’t even met.  But somehow I screwed up my courage and stood on a stage by myself, without musical accompaniment, and belted out a song I still don’t fully understand but find hauntingly beautiful.

Standing on the shoulders of giants, leaves me cold

What I like about R.E.M. are beautiful lyrics completely open to interpretation. And believe me a lot of their songs have changed meaning for me over the course of my life.  I didn’t think much of the shoulders of giants line at first but as I tried to make my way in the world it’s meaning kind of smacked me in the face.  I’m all for appreciating the past and those who made contributions then to make my life easier now.  But then there comes a point where the next generation can’t make their own way because they aren’t allowed to do anything because the older generation knows better and has more experience.  Never seeming to realize that someone had to have given them a chance one time as well.  That was me and a lot of activism when I was younger.  Part of the reason I left.  I didn’t want to be in charge and I know I wasn’t always right, but I wanted to be at least listened to and be able to contribute.  Maybe that’s all changed, but the idea of going back leaves me cold.

There’s time to teach

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Posted by on September 18, 2013 in introspective, Music, Writing


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Today’s Theme Music – In the Middle

I haven’t had a lot of time to write lately mainly because of working on the pay-the-bills side of my life.  However, I heard this song and just had a feeling someone needed to hear it besides myself. Have you ever felt that way? Anyway, there is a lot of things I want/need in my life right now and I’m not a very patient girl. My body is not cooperating in so many ways and I feel I’m too slow, too unattractive, too whatever, to get what I want out life. Sometimes it’s hard to keep going when you can’t see the finish line.

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
— lyrics, Jimmy Eat World – In the Middle

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Posted by on September 17, 2013 in introspective, Music


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Today’s Theme Music – Magnet and Steel



Today’s theme song wouldn’t let me sleep, seriously. Anytime my brain came anywhere near to conscious thought, there it was. Then there was the part of my brain that was making sure I got the lyrics right this time. You see growing up I never heard “you are a magnet and I am steel”, instead I heard “you are romantic and I am still”. So I always thought of it as a song about a guy who was afraid to move despite getting all the signals saying it’s okay.  Maybe I was just projecting.

With you I’m not shy…

Most of my life I’ve been what you call shy, introverted, easy to embarrass.  I’m in my forties yet I still blush like a schoolgirl.  It’s not a gimmick I can’t help it.  And being shy costs; I make a lousy first impression.  My shyness is often misinterpreted as aloofness or disinterest.  Truth is I’m scared out of my mind.  I’m awkward, I’m a dork, I’m constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Even if I’ve had a gazillion conversations with someone online, in person is completely different.  My running joke used to be the I can get along and form a relationship easily online, but once they met me, it was over.  And that held true for a long time.  The emails petered off after a first meeting.  I blamed my looks, but mostly it was my shyness.

WIth bigger social interactions I’m learning to not hide in a corner, to forge ahead and be my awkward self.  I can always lament about how embarrassing I was on the ride home.  But one on one interactions, I’m still working on.  There is though that rare person who I’m willing to allow myself to be awkward, to try to reach past my shyness to connect.   Those people I just know are going to become very important to me.

…my secrets to reveal

There is only one reason we keep secrets, FEAR.  Fear of rejection, of persecution, of exclusion, of ridicule… fear of not being loved.  How many friendships, relationships, grow stale, grow apart because the one person we should feel the most comfortable with we still don’t trust with our true selves?

Ei, my friend, mentor, fairy godmother, is probably one of two or three people who is the closest to knowing my true self.  Ei was the first person I came out to about my orientation and relationship style. She’s the person who I can share my feelings without fear of being judged.  Any questioning is done out of love and a desire to know more.  Letting go of secrets is relieving the body, the spirit, of unnecessary burdens.

The secrets we seem to hold onto the most are the things that make us happy.  Of these the greatest are sexual desires.  I believe part of the reason that 50 Shades of Grey is so popular (even though I still refuse to read it) is because it made “weird” sexual desire somewhat mainstream.  That Suzy Homemaker can be safe with the knowledge that her secret desires are not as “deviant” as those of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.  One of the greatest pleasures can be gleaned when you telling your lover a desire and have them respond with “we can do that.” But even if that is the most likely response, believe me I know from experience, it’s still hard to put yourself out there.

For you are romantic and I am still.

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Posted by on September 5, 2013 in introspective, Music, Writing


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