Monthly Archives: November 2013

Today’s Theme Music – This Too Shall Pass

Image by Borissos/

Image by Borissos/

You know you can’t keep lettin’ it get you down

I have been unemployed for fifteen months.  Being unemployed can be hell on your self-esteem between the constant rejections and the assumptions of people as to why you can’t get employed. We are raised in a society were often our self-worth is tied to our net worth.  That what you do for a living is more valued than who you are as a person. It was amazing sometimes how people seemed to respect me more when I could say I was a Graphic Designer and I worked for an international magazine.  The job wasn’t glamorous by any stretch of the imagination, at best it was just a job, at worst it was soul sucking.

I have spent most of my unemployed time feeling desperate.  Even though there was a biweekly unemployment check coming in I still treated myself like I was a leech.  That I didn’t deserve anything because I was jobless, that without a title, I was nothing.  HB and Kitty didn’t treat me this way, I take responsibility, it was all my fault.

But you know what?  I HATE nine-to-five jobs.  Even jobs I love, I hate the same thing every dayness of it.  I burn out every time, usually not making it to the three year point.  I need variety, I need to let things go and come back to them, or not.  So why am I stressing about not working 40+ hours a week at a desk?

When the money goes 

Everyone mishears lyrics and once again I’m guilty.  All the time I’ve heard this line as when the money goes and actually it’s when the morning comes. I think I needed to hear it this way.  I stress way too much about money.  Especially when I really am not a money centric person.  But sometimes I feel it’s the only thing I can really give to people that they value.

There was a time, over five years ago, when this household of three was of four.  That person chose to move on and of course took their money with them.  I’m in charge of household finances and PANICKED.  I estimated that we had maybe three or four months before the bills will not be able to be paid.  It never happened.  It never happened.

And now we are probably going from three to two. I have come to the conclusion that I probably will never again have a regular 9 to 5 job.  I’m in my 40’s, I have a spotty work history, I don’t have a bachelor’s degree in a field that increasingly wants one and you know, I don’t really want to go back for one.  That being said I don’t sit around the house all day with my thumb up my butt either.  I freelance, I sell excess clutter on ebay, I enter codes to get free products, I cook so we don’t have to eat out, I manage the money.  I CONTRIBUTE.  So far, so good. There has been some juggling but we aren’t delinquent.  And now, I’m not worried.

Let it go

I realized I spent the first year of my unemployment beating my head against the wall, trying to make things happen that deep down I didn’t want to happen.  Now, I’m letting that go.  Deep down I’m happiest as a hustler, or to put it prettier, I’m a renaissance soul, I feel better with multiple streams of income.  And I know I would never ever let this household become delinquent. I know the universe provides if you let go, and keep your eyes open to the opportunities that may arise, subtly out on the edges of your vision. And if say I had to work at as a cashier at Walmart for a bit of time, I’d be okay.  I’m not required to stay there forever, I don’t have to be stagnant.

The thing is everything changes, constantly.  Nothing stays the same, it passes from one form to another.  The good, the bad, it’s all mutable. I need lots of change, stagnation makes me burn my motors out trying to move, trying to transform. I realize everyone is not like that and it’s okay, really. Small changers keeps structures stable. They hold back everything from spinning into absolute chaos.  But they still change.  Change is inevitable, this moment, this second, this joy, this pain, this…

This too shall pass

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Posted by on November 18, 2013 in introspective, Music


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Thor: The Dark World – Movie 311 of 365

THOR_TheDarkWorld2013I’ll have to admit I went into this movie with great trepidation; I wasn’t a fan of the first movie. Thor was okay, I guess, but I really hate the son is a bit of a party boy then something happens and he man’s up and takes responsibility movies.  Plus I really didn’t find anyone I could actually care about in the first movie, sorry Loki fans.  Then there was no where near enough Heimdall (Idris Elba) in that first outing. At least this time Heimdall takes off the darn helmet.

Okay, Thor: The Dark World has some good parts besides that and overall I will say it’s better than the first.  Better, but I wouldn’t go as far to call it great. Now I know part of the problem is that I really can’t seem to get into high fantasy.  I usually miss a bit of what’s going on in the narrative and characters seems to be polarized in their personalities.  That and Odin (Anthony Hopkins) is as big of an ass as he was in the first movie.  There are some decent battle scenes but it still seems to be all Thor’s (Chris Hemsworth) show.  I know it’s his movie but I just think Captain America treated the other fighters a bit better.  Asgard is full of warriors, let them shine a bit more.  I definitely could’ve watched more of Sif’s (Jaimie Alexander) fighting skills.

The story line is basic, ancient badass Malekith (Christopher Eccleston), is trying to destroy the nine realms; Thor is trying to stop him.  There is of course more sibling emo times with Thor and Loki (Tom Hiddleston).  Loki is his usual crazy self, dialed back a bit from The Avengers so as not to outshine Thor.  And then there is the really really long distance romance between Thor and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman).  The romance didn’t make me want to barf near as much as the first time.  Actually, I liked Jane in this.

And now that I think of it, I didn’t want to smack Darcy (Kat Dennings) this time.  Darcy is still Darcy, but like Loki, dialed back a bit until she is just quirky, not annoying as hell.  And let’s not forget Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgård) who mostly just adds to the continuity and plausibility from The Avengers.

So why am I saying this movie is only good and not great?  I wanted more.  I was out of the theater in two hours.  That included the previews and all of the credits (because one never leaves a Marvel movie before the very last credit). Personally I think this movie needed at least another thirty minutes.  With that time they could’ve fleshed out so much more and it wouldn’t have felt rushed.  Explanations went flying by, scenes lacked depth and Thor once again is left seeming pretty flat as a character.  I don’t think this is Hemsworth, just lack of script.  Maybe they were pushing the time is of the essence point, but this movie is so much darker than the first and I don’t believe they really took advantage of that.

Do I feel like I wasted my time? Not really, there is plenty of great action and some touching bits as well.  Also, the funny bits are actually funny and don’t feel as forced as the first time.  However, I am hoping for a director’s cut of The Dark World with the rest of the scenes that would’ve have made this the movie I was hoping it would be.

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Posted by on November 8, 2013 in Movies, Reviews


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Fangirl Friday – Mark Sheppard

mark-sheppard-the-conduitObject of my obsession Mark Andreas Sheppard – May 30, 1964

My favorite appearances: Supernatural – Crowley,  Firefly – Badger

If you are a TV geek there is a good chance you have seen Mark A. Sheppard on some television show.  The man is a prolific actor and I’ve seen him on at least a half a dozen different programs.  But I have a confession; I never really noticed him.  That’s not to say he isn’t a good actor, when I’ve rewatched some of his performances I’ve gone “oh yeah, him, he was good.” But I didn’t notice the first time.  Well, that was until Supernatural.

Hello boys

I so want to figure out how to add that phrase as a ringtone to my dumb old phone.  That voice would be reason enough to love Mark Sheppard.  Luckily there is so much more, and I’m just focusing on his role as Crowley, king of the crossroads demons.

That voice, that sarcasm, that swagger, yes I know Crowley is just a character but Mark Sheppard breathes so much life into him.  Crowley could’ve easily just been a one dimensional demon if portrayed by a lesser actor.  Not to mention the fact that I was a Sam girl up until season five.  Score one for age and maturity.

Oh for the love of badguys

Crowley 001I have never really been a villain fangirl.  I mean the bad guy is a bad for a reason right?  I can understand them, appreciate their ability to be bad, but I’m never going to feel sorry for them.  I’m never going to tear up because they having a bad day or when they end up on the losing side of the team… Okay,  I’m just going to say Supernatural season eight, poor Crowley.

I glad it seems that Crowley will continue to be a regular cast member for reasons other than the flutter in my fangirl heart.  It’s balance, because the image is not just having an angel on one shoulder but having the devil (or demon) on the other.

And for those who haven’t seen Supernatural and need more proof of Mark Sheppard’s greatness. Just watch this.  And yes, SPOILERS a plenty for season five.

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Posted by on November 8, 2013 in Fangirl Friday


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